Advice from a Wedding Coordinator:


The Care and Keeping of a Wedding Guest


A Wedding Guest is a unique creature.
You and your partner have culled your guest list down to the few,
the proud, the relatives who don’t have access to your embarrassing baby pictures.

Most guests understand small budgets.
Most guests won’t be offended by cracker and cheese plates from Costco,
nor will most guests be offended by a cake and punch only reception.

All guests need a few things, however, to maintain that lack of offense:


1) Seats for the ceremony. If this is impossible, for whatever reason, have your officiant cut the ceremony down to 15 minutes maximum.

2) Comfortable temperature.

a) Outdoor ceremonies HAVE TO HAVE SHADE. I cannot emphasize this enough. If you put your guests in the sun, no matter how pleasant the day is, they will be hot, they will be squinting, they will get sweat on their nice clothes, and they will be grouchy. One memorable event I attended had the guests facing into the sun as it set because the bride thought that sunsets were romantic…

In Palm Springs. In 100 degree heat.

Please don’t do this to your guests.

b) Outdoor receptions must have heaters after the sun goes down. You may only need one or two, but if there is no place for guests to get warm, they will leave.

c) If you are going to have dancing indoors, please have fans and/or air conditioning. And crank those bastards up. Everyone will dance longer if they can cool down in between rocking it on the floor. And you really don’t want to get pit stains on The Dress, do you? ๐Ÿ™‚

(Addendum to the Temperature Clause: If you are having an outdoor wedding, and the ground is soft, please let guests know so they can wear appropriate shoes.)

3) Water, water, water, water. Have a lot of it. Have it easily accessible at all times. If you don’t have a waitstaff, ask a relative or a friend to be specifically in charge of this.

4) It is normal for guests who are flying in to rent a hotel room.
Please let them do this if they wish.

If you offer a private home for those guests to stay in, basic consideration for their needs must be met: A bed or a *comfortable* couch to sleep on, sufficient blankets for those beds; towels and washcloths, shampoo and soap for showers; and basic breakfast foods must be provided. If you have pets, make sure no one has allergies. Additionally, said home should be clean and welcoming.

Remember that out of town guests don’t necessarily know where to get food quickly and easily–avoid inconveniencing people who have dropped hundreds of dollars on plane tickets to get to your wedding.

5) A word about family members or friends who are coming in to help before the wedding:

They are guests, too, and should be treated with courtesy. Remember that if you didn’t have their assistance, you would be paying a great deal of money for the services they are giving you out of love. Express your gratitude often and publicly…even if Aunt Ida is a loud-mouthed, opinionated blowhard. She set up your tables and took out the garbage after your reception. Smile and act grateful–you can bitch about her later.

6) Apologize when things (inevitably) don’t go as planned–even if you weren’t responsible. Someone will end up covering for you–driving out to the grocery store to buy another cake because yours fell into the dirt; pulling flowers from a neighbor’s yard at three in the morning because your florist didn’t adequately prepare the flowers for the ceremony, etc, etc.

If you take the first step of apologizing, people will be *much* more willing to continue covering for you.

7) Try to greet and thank every guest individually. Think of the weddings you’ve attended, and how nice it was to know that the bride and groom took the time to thank you for coming–it’s just a good gesture.

8 ) Favors aren’t necessary, but they are like the individual thanks above–a good gesture. Especially if the favor in question is tasty.

9) If you don’t have a lot of experience with planning events, parties, or haven’t been an integral part of making a wedding happen, please find someone who has this experience, ask for their help, and act on their advice. Your wedding vision may be beautiful, romantic, and meaningful to you and your partner, but if it means making your guests uncomfortable, you will need to adapt that vision.

10) Adapting your vision for the comfort and love of your guests does not mean you won’t get the wedding of your dreams. Keep your guests informed, demonstrate your gratitude, provide shade and water, and your wedding will be remembered with joy.


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laura Jane
    Aug 08, 2011 @ 11:31:38

    Very thoughtful, and well said. You need to start an anonymous blog, methinks ๐Ÿ˜‰


  2. Mary Jacobson Smith
    Aug 08, 2011 @ 12:07:03

    I’m thinking back on my own lovely, outdoor wedding that could have used a little tweaking after reading this. ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you, friend.


  3. Nikki V.
    Aug 08, 2011 @ 13:10:00

    I completely agree. I went to a wedding a few years ago in August, with an hour long ceremony. We were standing an a chapel with no air conditioning and closed doors (due to traffic noise). I almost fainted, had to excuse myself from the ceremony, and went home without attending the reception.


  4. Tia Bev
    Aug 08, 2011 @ 13:14:36

    Yes! Agree-agree!!


  5. Bee
    Aug 08, 2011 @ 13:46:24

    Yes, yes, and yes again. I’ve played for more weddings than I can possibly remember, and I have a long list of “please never do this at your wedding” items, all from personal experience.

    I think my top three would be 1) if you are in danger of going into labor at your own wedding, maybe you should postpone a bit; 2) please do not come to your own wedding rehearsal and expect your pianist to pick all the music, cue you and your bridesmaids to come down the aisle, and decide where everyone will stand; and 3) if you are wearing a lovely form-fitting dress to your outdoor wedding and you will be standing in front a hundred people with the setting sun shining on your back, EVEN IF your dress is fully lined, please do not wear white thong underpants under your pretty white dress. Our eyes are magnetically drawn to that tiny white triangle at the top of your bum, and it will be our primary memory of your wedding.


  6. jessaqpublic
    Aug 08, 2011 @ 14:51:38

    Brilliant. I agree, you need an anonymous wedding coordinator blog.

    And I’d add to the shading/seating requirement–especially for elderly guests, you must provide shade and comfortable seating. Don’t put Grandma in the sun for an hour without a parasol.


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