Pinterest:

 

A Recipe:

 

5 heaping cups of Maudlin Sentimentality
3 tablespoons of Bad Mommy Poetry
1 teaspoon of Oh God If Only I Could Wear That
2 pints of Are You Sure You Want that Cookie

Mix ingredients thoroughly with a pinch of poor grammar,
and bake at 350 degrees of Celebrity Gushing.

Remove from oven, and frost with enough
This is the Coolest Thing/Idea I Have Ever Encountered on the Internet
to mask everything else.

 

Tada!

You’ve just signed up for Pinterest!

 

…Which doesn’t mean that I can stop pinning.

 

MINE.

 

‘coz I can’t.

Cut open glowstick. Dump in jar. Swirl. Revel in own radness.

 

I want to do this for a wedding SO BADLY I COULD DIE.

 

This may be a sickness.

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After Two Years:

 
Darlings.

I got a call on Friday from Thought Equity.

They offered me a full-time job,
with benefits,
and an excellent salary.

I slept better last night than I have since August of 2009.

Thank you all for your prayers,
encouragement,
and for helping me to keep on trying,
even when all I wanted was to hide away.

Today,
I am so grateful.

 

(and I’m now going out to a raucous piano bar with faithful friends
Laura and Jessie.

I’m probably going to have a celebratory margarita. Or three. )

Oh, OED:

I knew a girl who once said that she wanted the
Unabridged Oxford English Dictionary
instead of an engagement ring.

While I don’t know if that ever happened,
I totally sympathize,
because seriously?

The OED is currently running this campaign:

http://www.savethewords.org/

(It takes a while to load,
but it’s worth it.)

My adopted picks are tudiculate, redamancy, and just for the LauraJane–sinapistic.
Because, well, I’m a bruising, love reciprocating mustard, y’all.

*sigh*

I love words.

(i also love it when The Boyo uses power tools.
Cutey McManlyPants.)

Ah, the gun show!

Finally!

I finished restoring a dresser last Thursday.

Because,
well,
I’m 29, y’all.

That’s way too old to still be storing my clothes
in a three-drawer crappy plastic bin from Wal-Mart.

I was taking Le Pooch for a walk,
and sauntered past a dresser ditched by the side of the road.
I come from a loooong line of dumpster diving trash pickers,
so naturally,
I stopped to take a look at it.

It’s maple,
probably from the early 70s,
and still in (fairly) decent condition.

There was no way I could drag it home by myself,
though I did allow momentary visions of hooking The Damn Dog up to a sleigh
and hollering “MUSH!” over her head.

Now,
the last furniture liberation project I had was back at my old Inglehood place–
On a dark and stormy night,
I convinced The Boyo to help me get an enormous dresser
(I had to ditch the drawers, since they were so beat up)
made of particle board, weighing in at about 200 pounds,
covered in rain and mud,
into the back of his Kia,
with me perched on it, since the rear door wouldn’t shut,
up the very steep hill and two flights of stairs to my apartment.

He’s a trooper.

And,
consequently,
when I dropped a hint that there *might* be another dresser down the street
that *could* use a little love…
he was…um…reluctant.

(gosh, and it wasn’t even raining!)

Not to mention the fact that most of his belongings
are in the back of our old friend The Kia,
since he’s in the middle of a move,
so if liberating was to occur,
it would have to be with our four arms and legs.

I asked him to just come look at it with me;
and somehow,
we ended up carrying it home two blocks.

At night.

In a city that doesn’t really believe in street lights.

There may have been a couple of smashed fingers along the way,
but all in the name of home improvement, my friends!

(oh hai, Boyo! I love you!)

That last project,
fondly called “The Behemoth”,
took me nearly three months start to finish–
it was the first piece of furniture I’d ever mucked with,
and there were a few…miscommunications…regarding paint and polyurethane and primer and…
yeah.

I ended up finishing the whole thing incorrectly,
and had to sand it ALL back down and start over again.

It took forever.
And there may have been tears.

But it turned out bea-yew-ti-fully!

Picture this without all the accoutrements--pretty, oui?

So when I picked this dresser up,
I knew that I didn’t want to be quite as anal about it,
especially after the look of consternation Roommate Jessie gave me
when I gave her an estimate of three weeks to get it done.

Rather beat up...and 70s...but look at that maple!

Oh, the poor thing!

(I had to create a workspace on the back patio with a tarp,
a couple of bungee cords and a handy patio umbrella.)

I love me some big-ass tarp, y'all.

I started poking around for ideas,
and came across Centsational Girl,
who made this lovely piece of magic:

Patina Dresser

*gasp!*

Seriously?

You can water down paint without it,
I dunno,
mangling or otherwise causing your furniture to implode?

SWEET.

I ran down to Home Depot and picked up two sample paints by Behr,
one in Pool Table Green,
and the other in Realm,
watered them down just enough to make the paint thinner,
and mixed them together to get a true peacock blue.

They are flat finish,
which weirded me out at first,
but ended up looking lovely under a satin finish poly.

The great (AWESOME) thing about using watered down paint
is that your brushstrokes don’t matter as much.
When I painted The Behemoth,
I agonized over making the top absolutely perfect,
which is difficult using an eggshell finish latext paint.

This time?

I just slapped the stuff on there–
and it was actually fun!

I wanted this piece to be a bit imperfect,
a bit rough,
and I really wanted the warm maple tones to show through.

(I had a bit more repair work to do than I thought initially,
which involved judicious amounts of Elmer’s Wood Glue,
and since I am clampless,
strapping tape–and it worked okay, but clamps are on my “I should have these around because they’re kinda handy, yo” list.)

The other great thing about using watered down paint
is that it dries faster,
which meant that I was able to paint all nine of the drawers
AND poly them in the same day.

DUDE!

Apologies for the fuzziness...as is my wont, I often worked on this after dark...

It took me five days to finish this sucker–
including the Cephalopod detail on the side and drawers.

Oh, and here's our dresser presenter of fluffiness, NAMI!

Isn't he cute?

So preeeeetty!!!

Five.

Days.

Now,
my back isn’t happy with the speed in which I knocked this out,
but it does mean that I won’t have a messy project going now that
Her Fluffiness the Corgi is living here.

Instead,
I’ll have a cute dresser to pose her next to.

‘Coz,
really,
that’s what matters.

(Dear CentsationalGirl: Thank you. Seriously–you are magic.)

Supplies Used:

I used a Purdy paintbrush for Latex paints for this project. Purdy’s are expensive as heck, but totally worth the spectacular results.

I used this pearlescent paint from Modern Masters for the Cephalopod detail,
and painted it on with my water color brushes.
It is a bit…truculent to work with, but turns out pretty.

The polyurethane I used was Miniwax’s Satin Finish.
I may hate poly with the fires of hell,
but it makes for less-easily-destroyed furniture.

I wasn’t able to finish The Behemoth with a coat of poly
(shiny finish black furniture = Chinese lacquer = SHUDDER),
and it’s constantly in danger of getting scratched.
That won’t be a problem with this dresser.

And because I believe in torturing you with THE CUTE:

Aw, precious love!

An Ode:

To Botulism:

O, thou fatally swollen bride of bacteria!
Thou foster-child of silence and dark cupboards!
Groceried historian, who canst thus express
An intestinal tale more firmly than thy hordes!

What spore-fringed legend haunts about thy tins,
Of hospitals, or IVs, or of both,
In Wal-Mart or the dales of discount bins?

BURSTING with NATURAL antioxidants!

Best Used by October 1999????

BURSTING with BOTULISM!

(Seriously, packing some of The Boyo’s cupboards is like going on an archaeological expedition…)

Dear 29:

Well.

Here we are.

You certainly came along faster than I anticipated.

Let’s get a few things straight:

Your predecessor?
28?

Was a real bitch.
And honestly, there were times
(many times)
when I thought I wouldn’t make to you,
29.

That 28 was an abusive relationship–
always promising better things,
followed up by a swift slap in the face,
or a punch to the kidneys (where the bruises don’t show).

And I gotta tell you…

I am through with letting a year steamroll me.

I have great expectations for you, 29.
There’s a puppy, for one thing,
who will be full of cute and awesome,
and that stunningly selfless love that only dogs really possess.

There will be a new house for the Boyo,
one in which he can stretch out
and feel at home.

There will be parties.

Quiet nights.

My first salsa performance.

Christmas and snow and wonder.

All of these things.

And you know what?

No matter what you bring,
no matter if you’re even worse than 28,
I’m not going to give up or give in.

I belong to a faithful God,
and He has never abandoned me–
and even when I felt like He had–
there was always some small grace to get me through.

I am still a little afraid of you.
Still a little scared of finding myself not at all who I thought I would be by now.

But I hope you’ll be a grand adventure of a year,
that you’ll make me look forward to 30 even more.

Yes.

That sounds perfect.

You are going to be an adventure, 29.

I have a cute helmet.
I have a nice pedicure.

Bring it.

Huh:

Apparently, searching for the following will bring folks here:

Thomas Kinkade Person
(well, yes, he probably is a person.
unless he’s been sent from a far away planet to infect
all human life with his creepifying works of schlock…)

Art is the Biggest Blasphemy

Medieval Boobs
(which are different from regular boobs…how?)

Medieval Puck
(darlings…DARLINGS…what did we learn about Renaissance vs. Medieval?
unless, of course, you’re actually looking for Robin Goodfellow legends,
in which case, Google on!)

Pynchon is God

I always wonder if the folks who get directed here
under such duress actually stick around,
or if they enjoy what they find…
even if I don’t think that Pynchon is God.

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