O Holy Grail of Coffee!

 

I beseeched thee,
and thou did’st answer me.

I thank thee for thy energy.

…But could we dial it down a bit?
‘Coz I’m fighting a serious urge to do backflips all over the office.

And I can’t do backflips.

Especially not in a skirt.

And heels.

 

THINK OF THE HEELS, O HOLY GRAIL.

Parallel:

 

I am not a physicist.

I understand very little of the notions behind multiverse theory,
but I do know this:

I hope there is another Rebecca out there, somewhere.

Another Rebecca who didn’t, who wasn’t,
who is, who will be
all the things that I regret not doing,
who will never do all the stupid things I did.

I hope that she is real.

 

Disney vs. History:

 

I could quibble with the accuracy of some of these,
but still, beautiful reinterpretations:

Claire Hummel Does Disney

 

Aurora is my favorite.

 

Lovely!

Food? Shoes?

 

My body has one of two primary reactions when it gets depressed:

1) It wants to eat everything in the world
(mostly gummi bears),
 
Or

2) It wants to buy shoes.

The truly terrible issue at hand is that July has been hella’spensive,
and consequently, I can’t really justify the shopping.

I also managed to lose a teensy bit of weight,
and I don’t want to jeopardize that by going on a calorie binge.
(No Sense of Proportion Girl, at your service)

So,
what do YOU do to fight the Black Dog
when money is tight and you don’t want your belt to do the same?

 

Help me out, kids,
‘coz this shit is looking reaaaally appealing right now:

 

OMFZeus!

 

I love everything about this shoe. ......I might make out with it.

 

LOOK AT THIS SHOE. BASK IN THE GLORY, PET.

 

Got to try these on. Almost "accidentally" walked out with them. Oopsie.

 

Shop 'till you drop into a bag of overpriced shiny pretty things made by a blue-haired gay guy. Because that will make everything better.

Flower Speak:

 

So you’re dating.
Or married.
Or generally edging around the notion of making another person feel
special and tingly.

Maybe.

Here is my comprehensive and exhaustively researched guide to
What Your Flowers are Hollering about You, Your Character,
and Sometimes Your Car:
 

Standard Red Roses:

“I have no imagination whatsoever.”

 

Standard Red Roses with Baby’s Breath:

“Not only do I not have any imagination,
but I’m also into infantilization.”

 

Daisies:

“LET’S WANDER IN FIELDS WITH UNWASHED HAIR AND SCRUB EACH OTHER WITH EARTH FRIENDLY PATCHOULI.
WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING???”

 

Gebera Daisies:

“I know enough to not give you boring daisies, but not enough to give you a flower that will last longer than two hours before drooping.
…There is a probably a double meaning in that.”

 

Carnations:

“McDonald’s is a good date. So is Taco Bell. I watch Carl’s Jr. commercials and wear Axe Body Spray.”

 

Calla Lilies:

“My car has a leather interior. Also, we will go to restaurants with price fixé menus. You lucky thing, you.”

 

Alstroemeria:

“I am a mildly interesting person with a habit of listening to talk radio.
…And these were on sale at Trader Joe’s.”

 

Potted Cactus/Succulent:

“You can’t keep anything alive.”

 

Sunflowers:

“I am so full of sunshine and good cheer, I will probably give you skin cancer.”

 

Peonies:

“Erudite, well-read, thoughtful. Methinks we’ll be having The Sex now.”

 

 

(Seriously. No carnations. Ever. They look like shite in bouquets.)

 
Totally gakked from: http://thehairpin.com/2011/07/the-modern-meanings-of-flowers

*squee*

 

MacGregor!
O’Dowd!

Lightsabres!